Sigh,i wish i could feel so damn confident about my audition tomorrow and just go like "HEY YALL i'm here to share my awesome playing" but no i cant do that cause i dont think my playing is anywhere near "awesome".
I really am expecting too much from myself considering that i only started working hard from monday onwards,7 days ago. Just on thursday, my piano teacher was still changing my rhythmic mistakes and tempo fluctuations. Yup,i'm so screwed. My piano teacher knows i'm so screwed when i told him on monday that the audition was brought forward, he actually asked "so are you going for the audition?" cause i was playing way too badly to get through an audition.
Actually i did work but there were some last minute change to my audition pieces so it cant be helped but i could have started work earlier though.
So here i am praying so hard for a scholarship that is not within my reach anymore and disappointing everyone who has been hoping for the best. The 4 people who want to reward me if i get a scholarship,i'm sorry you can save some money and not get the reward for me anymore and all those people who really hope i'll do well tomorrow i'm sorry to disappoint you too.
I'm a major disappointment as always. Last minute work doesnt do any good. I practiced for 5 hours on tuesday, 7 hrs on wednesday, 5 hrs on thursday, 8+ hrs on friday, 3 hrs yesterday and 5 hrs today until my arms and back are still aching. I've been practicing until i feel like just taking a hammer and smash the whole piano up. Yes.
I really am expecting too much from myself considering that i only started working hard from monday onwards,7 days ago. Just on thursday, my piano teacher was still changing my rhythmic mistakes and tempo fluctuations. Yup,i'm so screwed. My piano teacher knows i'm so screwed when i told him on monday that the audition was brought forward, he actually asked "so are you going for the audition?" cause i was playing way too badly to get through an audition.
Actually i did work but there were some last minute change to my audition pieces so it cant be helped but i could have started work earlier though.
So here i am praying so hard for a scholarship that is not within my reach anymore and disappointing everyone who has been hoping for the best. The 4 people who want to reward me if i get a scholarship,i'm sorry you can save some money and not get the reward for me anymore and all those people who really hope i'll do well tomorrow i'm sorry to disappoint you too.
I'm a major disappointment as always. Last minute work doesnt do any good. I practiced for 5 hours on tuesday, 7 hrs on wednesday, 5 hrs on thursday, 8+ hrs on friday, 3 hrs yesterday and 5 hrs today until my arms and back are still aching. I've been practicing until i feel like just taking a hammer and smash the whole piano up. Yes.
So here it is. I really hope for some honest comments dont tell me like oh i'm already good enough please try judging from the perspective of a conservatory professor. Just really hoping for some honest comments that's all sigh.
If only boyfriend weren't at his field camp now,we'll be talking over the phone and he'll be nagging, saying things like aiya every time before your performance or audition or competition or exam you'll always say that but in the end you'll still do well.
But no this time the outcome is different,i'm not going to do well enough to get my scholarship. All my piano teacher would say is "i told you so." I'm sorry for disappointing you even though you have so much faith in me.
Ya ok what a depressing post. Bye. Leave comments please i will love you to death even if they're anonymous.
MEL BELIEVE IN YOURSELF. YOUR PLAYING IS BEAUTIFUL AND WHATEVER HAPPENS, KNOW THAT EVERYTHING WILL ALWAYS BE ALRIGHT. LOVE YOU MUCH MUCH AND JIAYOU, GIVE IT YOUR BEST TMR!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteAwwww daisy thank you :) i really appreciate your comment haha.i'll do whatever that i can during the audition! <3
DeleteAbove all, just remember that it should be more important to enjoy what you're doing instead of trying to outdo yourself. Where would the fun be in that otherwise?
ReplyDeleteI'd fly to heaven if i can play as well as you. Always dreamed of playing the piano but never really got the opportunity to. Well, always remember why you play the piano. Was it because of auditions or was it because you really love playing it. Trust me, it makes a vast difference.
ReplyDelete