Insomnia

I know, i just blogged 3 hours ago but really i can't stand the thoughts and fear i'm having right now.
I really underestimated myself, i am indeed extremely weak.

His fever was gone today and fuck i was so damn happy. I thought maybe things could be better again because he's been feeling weak, pain everywhere, having red spots on his skin everyfuckingwhere that looks like rash and just, suffering so damn much for 6 days already. Even with his fever gone i was asking all the time "are you feeling any better?" but sadly the answer was always a "no". I thought maybe in a few hours after noon's medicine would make him feel better so i tried to make myself worry less.

Who would have known that after a simple Christmas Eve's dinner he would suddenly feel so extremely sick till we had to leave earlier. Took his temperature once he got home because i could feel his temperature rising yet again. This time it was 37.4, just a bit before being categorized as a "fever" but moments later, 37.6, 38.2, and now 38.4. 

I make iced towels to place on his forehead and rotate it with those gel pads but it didn't help with anything. I did my research and knew that pomegranate and honey increases platelets count so i got him to buy it just now. I made as many cups of honey + pomegranate juice as he could take in. I made sure he took his medicine before heading to bed a fucking hour ago. He needs to take his medicine again at 8:13am.
I set an alarm every hour from 2am so i could check on his temperature but i can't fucking sleep.
How am i supposed to fucking sleep if i have done everything that i could to try to help him but nothing worked at all???
How am i supposed to rest if i don't know whether his temperature would start increasing to 40+degrees the moment i doze off???
What if my alarm doesn't wake me up and i'm not there for him when he needs me most???

I can't wait for this to be over.
It feels like forever since i saw his goofy self, his smile and laughter, the healthy him who would want to raid all the marks and spencers biscuits, cookies and chocolates i bought lately. The 30 pieces of ferrero rocher my mom bought him has been untouched and it's unbelievable because it's in Ritche's room. As long as there's chocolates of snacks in his room you won't see it there anymore the moment you turn around to check.

Now all that i see or hear is his coughing (always), thermometer in his mouth, his puffy and weary eyes from sneezing and blowing his nose, his lack of appetite.
I.Can't.Take.It.Anymore.

This hurts me so bad, i feel so damn heartbroken. It feels worse than any break up.
I wish i could swap with him and be the one suffering instead, it'll feel so much better.
This idiot means WAY too much to me.
I wish i knew what to do.